Ayelet ShahakAssociation for the Commemoration of Bat-Chen Shahak, Bereaved Families Forum |
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Personal Story and Personal Loss/Bereavement and Family and Suicide Bombing:
“ Our daughter Bat-Chen was killed by a suicide bomber in Dizengoff Center in Tel Aviv in 1996, exactly on her 15th birthday, according to the Hebrew calendar. She was born on Purim and she was killed on Purim. The doubly happy day of Bat-Chen's birthday and Purim, which is the happiest holiday, has become a very sad day. For us Purim is when fate got turned upside down. There is no more Purim at home. Instead of sending mishloach manot and receiving mishloach manot, our friends bring us memorial cakes. Ofri and Yaela do not wear costumes and do not go to parties, although Yaela, in the past two years has begun to go to parties. Ofri still has not. This period of Purim is hard. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ In general I feel very complete with what I do, I get a lot of strength out of it. I even call it the "double strength of the diaries." The diaries helped Bat-Chen to cope with her difficulties and today they help-especially me-to cope with the loss. Through her diaries I do a lot. I investigate them and use them to reach students. Much of my activity, besides the Forum, is concentrated on that. But yesterday someone said that perhaps I linger on in my daughter's death instead of rehabilitating myself. Until then I thought I could serve as an opposite example - how I took the wreckage and built something new out of it. So it shook me a little. But the more I think about it I realize that this is what fits me. I do think that it is my luck that Bat-Chen left us the diaries and showed us the way for action. This action makes me feel very good, so I don't mind if someone sees it as meddling with death. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ Khaled [a member of the Bereaved Families Forum] is a very wise man and he even says that he knows they made a mistake in this intifada. That this intifada caused them more harm. To hear it from him makes it easier for us. Because at the bottom line, as a left-wing person who was slapped in the face with this Intifada, to hear someone from the other side say that they were mistaken, that they did the wrong thing, makes it easier to think about the future. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ The most interesting thing is to read the students' feedback [following school lectures by the Bereaved Families Forum]. The students write that we confuse them, that we give them new information to think about, that we provide another point of view, that we change their minds, that we give them hope, that we must give these lectures to all schools, that this was the most interesting lecture they ever got and that they want more. That gives a lot of strength to keep on doing it. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Obstacles and Challenges and Perceptions of the Other and Fear:
“ I remember the first meeting of the Bereaved Families Forum, close to twenty Israeli bereaved families gathered in Jerusalem, and Yitzhak Frankenthal, who was the advisor and the organizer, turned to us and said that tomorrow all of us that were gathered there would go to meet with Palestinian bereaved families. I remember that there were some families there that were really shocked by the idea, and they actually quit, they didn't continue with us anymore. To me also it seemed very scary and not really right to go to Gaza. Yitzhak tried to explain that it wasn't scary, that he had already gone a lot of times. He had arranged it, and there was a group that wanted to meet that was already expecting us. I got up and said that I was afraid. Yitzhak then understood that he had to do some preparation with us. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ The family of one of Bat-Chen's girlfriends that was killed with her very much disagrees with our way. They even threw at us once that because of us the audience identifies all three girls with the Left. It was very hard to hear that. I never use their name, and if I do so it is for the respect that I want them to have. But I certainly do not include them with Bat-Chen. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Obstacles and Challenges and Fear:
“ [Fear affects peace work] very much. The damage of the second intifada in the Israeli public is immeasurable. The fear caused many people to move to the Right. Many. I'm talking about people from the Left - not people who were undecided or from the Center. The fear, the distrust, the slap in the face. We are in a very deep crisis. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
“ First of all, [we must] get to know the other side. To be aware of their needs, to be aware that they are humans like us, to be aware of their difficulties. Even now, with the fence: how much it destroys and how it has hardened people. The fact that they need to cross with a crane from one side to the other in order to go to school. The whole issue of checkpoints. If a girl wrote us, after meeting me and Khaled, that she is about to be recruited to the army and will probably be a combat soldier and if she is at a checkpoint she will try to be as humane as possible, then we did our job. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
Vision and Reconcilation:
“ They say today that what happened in South Africa (the Truth and Reconciliation Commission) occurred because the conditions there were ripe. I do not think the conditions here are ripe. It is not only something that I have to go through, it is something that must happen in the background, with the peace process. ” [Source in Complete Interview]
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